Over

I get to the starbucks where we're supposed to meet.

The one you sent me copied from the web page. the one that's south of the metro but north of the circle., not north of the metro and south of the circle. It's 5:58. I'm right on time.

I hope you're there first. I look for you ahead of me, behind me on the long escalator up and down the rainy sidewalks, through the glass windows of the starbucks, but you're not there. I pull the door and it's locked.

I push you to tell me so you do.

"Well, I'm engaged."

I nod and say congratulations and that I'm glad for you, I really am.

Should I ask about her, the wedding, the plans? Is she like me? Do you ever by accident speak "our language" to her? Do you miss me? Did we make a mistake getting married? Getting divorced? Do you know that I'm sorry?

I ask a few polite questions instead of any of these. I suggest ways she can get to work... then wonder aloud why I am planning my ex-husband's fiance's commute.

No one takes our order. You say maybe it wasn't meant to be and that you had a headache anyway, so we step outside. I say we could walk around the block. You say you'd better go.

We hug and I say goodbye and use your name because it is a Big Moment.

I don't turn back. I go straight home, taking deep breaths, wiping my eyes.

I open the door.

I am home.